Your Favorite Bartender Is Basically a Superhero

Every day of our lives, we encounter a version of a superhero. Some are bold and noticeable like the crossing guard who watches over children as they cross busy streets and some are quiet and unassuming like the person who helps carry a stroller up the stairs at the 40th Street subway station on the 7 train. Not all heroes wear capes. Some of them wear uniforms and some of them wear t-shirts, but some wear aprons while standing on an anti-fatigue mat at a restaurant and make drinks for hours on end. Yes, I am saying that a bartender can be a superhero. 

A superhero is a fictional person who possesses superpowers or abilities beyond those of ordinary people. While a bartender isn’t a fictional person, they do work and live in the completely unbelievable world of food service so that tracks. Their superpowers are the exact same things as any number of Marvel or DC superheroes that we all know and love and it’s time to recognize bartenders and their superpowers.

X-ray vision

Superman can see through solid walls or anything else when necessary. Well, he can’t see through lead which is evident in the 1978 film Superman when he has to wait until Lois Lane steps from behind a lead planter to answer her question about what color underwear she’s wearing, but usually he can see through things like it’s Swiss cheese.

Bartenders have their own version of this superpower. They might not be able to see through a wall, but they can see through a customer who is trying to hide their drunkenness and order a fourth round. They can also see through the facade of someone who maybe just wants to talk to someone about their day. They can’t see through clothes though which is all well and good, because it’s very creepy that Superman tells Lois her underwear is pink.

Invisibility

The most famous superhero with the ability to disappear is the Invisible Woman, Dr. Susan Storm of the Fantastic Four. It allows her to infiltrate enemy lines and spy on anyone who may be planning crimes. Bartenders also have the potential to remain pretty much invisible, staying just out of sight until a customer needs something and then swooping in to offer another drink or clean up a spill. They have the means to stay out of sight until their presence is needed, shifting between invisibility and availability at the drop of a hat.

Superhuman strength

Everyone knows Hulk has an unlimited amount of strength letting him toss cars as if they were dominoes. His strength increases exponentially as he gets angry with seemingly no limit to his power. Bartenders too have an undeniable amount of brawn. At the height of dinner rush when the bar is four people deep and the keg needs to be changed, that 30-pound empty metal barrel is absolutely weightless and the full one that clocks in at 160 pounds ain’t gonna change itself. Like Bruce Banner, a bartender’s strength bubbles up from deep within their tortured soul and they do what they have to do; they change that keg. Luckily for most bartenders, they do not turn green when this happens.

Flight

Green Lantern can fly at speeds approaching that of light, zooming across the skies to get to where they are needed in a split second. Lots of superheroes can fly like Thor, Shazam, and Captain Marvel, but have you ever seen the speed of a bartender when they need something to happen? They can break the sound barrier if they need to. “It’s a bird! It’s a plane!” No, it’s just the bartender realizing that a customer’s been waiting 20 minutes for some food that never got rung in and they are leaping across bars in a single bound to make it happen,

Life saving

All superheroes share the desire to help others and save lives. Bartenders can do that too. There’s a drink called an Angel Shot that some bars offer that isn’t on the menu. It’s usually posted in the women’s restroom and ordering it is a signal that the person requesting it needs help. Asking for it straight up or neat means the patron wants to be escorted to the car. On the rocks means they need a taxi or Uber. Asking for a lime or a twist means they feel unsafe and need the bartender to call the police.

Your bartender might not wear a cape, but they are there for you. They want to help you, make you feel better, provide comfort, and even save you if you need it, and isn’t that what a superhero is?